top of page

7 Couples Therapy Techniques to Stop Fighting and Save Your Marriage

Updated: Jun 3


7 Couples Therapy Techniques to Stop Fighting and Save Your Marriage

Did you know that over 90% of couples who engage in therapy report improved relationship satisfaction? (American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, 2024). Marriage is a journey filled with love, but it can also face challenges like constant arguments, trust issues, or feeling disconnected. If you’re searching for the best marriage counselors near me or wondering does couples therapy works, you’re not alone.

At Apricity Mind + Body in Rochester, NY, our certified counselors use proven methods to help couples rebuild their bond. This blog dives into marriage couple counseling, its process, the best therapy types, and seven powerful techniques to resolve conflicts, all backed by data and expert insights. Whether you’re considering local marriage counselors or curious about trust building exercises for couples, read on to discover how therapy can transform your relationship.


Starting with the Facts

Let’s set the stage with some compelling stats:

  • 90% of couples using EFT report significant relationship improvements, with 70–75% no longer feeling distressed (Psychology Today).

  • 30% of couples seek therapy for communication issues, 25% for trust issues, and 20% for emotional disconnection (American Psychological Association).

  • 75% of couples say therapy boosts relationship satisfaction, often within 3–6 months of weekly sessions (Journal of Marital and Family Therapy).

  • 49% of couples have tried some form of counseling, showing it’s a common step toward healing (Choosing Therapy).


These numbers answer the question, “Does couples therapy work?” with a resounding yes. But how does it actually help, and what can you expect?


What is Couple Therapy?

Couple therapy, also known as marriage counseling, couples counseling, or relationship therapy, is a form of psychotherapy that helps couples improve their relationship. A trained therapist creates a safe, neutral space where both partners can share their feelings, concerns, and needs. The purpose of marriage counseling is to boost communication, resolve conflicts, and strengthen emotional connections.


Who Needs It?

You might be wondering, “When to go to couples therapy?” Here are some signs you need couple therapy:

  • Constant arguing in a relationship: If you’re saying, “My husband and I fight every day” or “I keep arguing with my boyfriend,” therapy can help.

  • Trust issues: After infidelity or broken promises, therapy can rebuild trust.

  • Emotional distance: Feeling like you’re drifting apart or living like roommates.

  • Intimacy issues: Struggling with physical or emotional closeness.

  • Life stressors: Financial problems, parenting conflicts, or work stress.


But here’s the kicker: marriage counseling for good relationships is just as valuable. Therapy isn’t only for crises—it’s for couples who want to grow closer, prevent issues, or prepare for big life changes like marriage or parenthood. As therapist Brian Mueller, PhD, notes, “Couples therapy can address a wide range of relationship issues, including recurring conflicts, feelings of disconnection, an affair, issues related to sex, or difficulties due to external stressors” (Verywell Mind).


Benefits of Couple Therapy

The benefits of couple therapy are profound:

  • Better communication: Learn to talk without fighting.

  • Stronger trust: Heal wounds and rebuild confidence in each other.

  • Deeper connection: Rediscover the spark that brought you together.

  • Conflict resolution: Turn arguments into productive conversations.


Therapy answers, “Can couples therapy help?” by giving you tools to navigate challenges and build a healthier partnership.


The Process of Couple Therapy

Curious about how does couples therapy work? The couples therapy process is structured yet flexible, guided by couples counseling rules for therapy to ensure a safe space. Here’s what it looks like:


  1. Initial Assessment: The therapist asks about your relationship history, challenges, and goals for couples therapy. This sets the stage for personalized care.


  2. Regular Sessions: Weekly or bi-weekly sessions (50–60 minutes) focus on exploring issues, identifying harmful patterns, and learning skills like trust-building exercises for couples.

  3. Skill-Building: You’ll practice couples therapy exercises, such as active listening or trust activities for couples, often with homework to try at home.

  4. Progress Evaluation: Every 4–8 weeks, the therapist checks your progress and adjusts the couples therapy treatment plan.

  5. Closure: Once you’ve met your goals, therapy may end, or you might continue for maintenance.

The duration varies—some couples see results in 3–6 months, while others need a year for deeper issues. Sessions are usually conjoint (both partners together), but individual sessions can occur with mutual consent (Psychology Today).

Here’s a table summarizing the process:

Stage

Description

Duration

Initial Assessment

Understand relationship history and goals

1–2 sessions

Regular Sessions

Explore issues, learn skills, practice techniques

Weekly/bi-weekly

Progress Evaluation

Assess improvements, adjust approach

Every 4–8 weeks

Closure

End therapy or transition to maintenance

Varies

Knowing when to seek couples counseling is key. If you’re asking, “Does marriage counseling help?” or noticing signs you need marriage counseling, like frequent fights or feeling disconnected, it’s time to act.

What Type of Therapy is Best for Couples?

The most used couples therapy model depends on your needs. Here are the top options, each with unique strengths:

  • Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Focuses on emotional bonding through attachment theory. It’s the gold standard, with a 90% success rate (Psychology Today).

  • Gottman Method: Emphasizes friendship, conflict management, and shared goals. Success rate: 75% (Psychology Today).

  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps change negative thought patterns and behaviors. Success rate: 70%.

  • Imago Relationship Therapy: Explores how childhood experiences shape dynamics. Success rate: ~65%.

  • Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT): Targets specific problems with quick solutions. Success rate: ~60%.

Here’s a comparison table:

Therapy Type

Focus

Best For

Success Rate

EFT

Emotional bonding

Emotional disconnection

90%

Gottman Method

Friendship, conflict management

Practical tools, long-term growth

75%

CBT

Change negative thoughts/behaviors

Blame cycles, criticism

70%

Imago Therapy

Childhood influences, needs

Deep-rooted issues

65%

SFBT

Quick solutions

Specific, immediate problems

60%

The best couples therapy near me depends on your goals and the therapist’s expertise. Many therapists blend these approaches, tailoring them to your needs (Choosing Therapy).

7 Proven Techniques to Resolve Conflicts

These couples therapy techniques aren’t just theory—they’ve changed lives. Each is paired with a real case study (inspired by common therapy scenarios) to show how couples overcome conflict. Here’s how you can do it too.

  1. Active Listening and Communication

    • What it is: Listen fully, without interrupting, and reflect what you hear.

    • Why it works: Makes your partner feel valued, cutting through misunderstandings. Communication is the bedrock of trust (Therapy Group of DC).

    • Case Study: Anna and David were at odds over David’s late work hours. Anna felt neglected, saying, “You care more about work than me.” In EFT sessions, they practiced active listening. Anna said, “I feel alone when you’re gone late.” David reflected, “You feel alone because I’m not home enough.” They agreed to weekly date nights, and Anna felt seen. Their fights dropped dramatically.

    • Your Action: In your next conflict, listen fully, then say, “I hear you feel [emotion]. Tell me more.” Try this daily for a week to build trust.

  2. Taking Responsibility

    • What it is: Own your part in conflicts and apologize sincerely.

    • Why it works: Shows humility, paving the way for forgiveness (National University).

    • Case Study: Sophie and Ryan clashed over household duties. Sophie felt overwhelmed, and Ryan dismissed her complaints. In therapy, Ryan said, “I’m sorry for not helping with laundry. I’ll take it on.” Sophie softened, and they created a shared chore schedule. Their home became a team effort, not a battleground.

    • Your Action: After a fight, say, “I’m sorry for [action]. I’ll try [change].” Agree on one task you’ll both take on to share the load.

  3. Using “I” Statements

    • What it is: Express feelings with “I feel” instead of blaming with “You always.”

    • Why it works: Lowers defensiveness, fostering empathy (Psych Central).

    • Case Study: Maya and Liam argued about social plans—Maya wanted quiet nights, Liam loved parties. Maya’s “You’re always dragging me out!” sparked fights. In CBT sessions, she said, “I feel drained when we go out often.” Liam responded, “I didn’t know it felt draining. Let’s balance it.” They alternated party and home nights, both feeling heard.

    • Your Action: Replace “You” with “I feel” in your next argument. Example: “I feel ignored when you’re on your phone.” Share how it changes the conversation.

  4. Taking Breaks

    • What it is: Pause heated arguments to cool off, agreeing to reconnect.

    • Why it works: Prevents escalation, allowing clearer thinking (Positive Psychology).

    • Case Study: Elena and Marco fought over finances, their shouts drowning out reason. In therapy, they learned to take 20-minute breaks. During a budget clash, Elena said, “Let’s pause and talk soon.” After cooling off, they created a joint savings plan, feeling like partners again.

    • Your Action: Next heated moment, say, “Let’s take 20 minutes.” Set a timer and resume with a calmer tone.

  5. Finding Common Ground

    • What it is: Identify shared goals to work toward together.

    • Why it works: Shifts from opposition to collaboration (Lissy Abrahams).

    • Case Study: Tara and Neil disagreed on parenting—Tara was strict, Neil lenient. Fights escalated until therapy revealed their shared goal: raising confident kids. They blended their styles, creating consistent rules. Arguments faded, and their kids thrived.

    • Your Action: In a conflict, ask, “What do we both want?” Write down one shared goal and one step to reach it.

  6. Compromising

    • What it is: Find solutions that honor both partners’ needs.

    • Why it works: Builds mutual respect and teamwork (Gottman Institute).

    • Case Study: Grace and Ethan clashed over vacations—Grace craved adventure, Ethan relaxation. In Gottman Method sessions, they compromised on a trip mixing hiking and beach days. Planning became a joy, and they felt closer than ever.

    • Your Action: Next disagreement, propose a compromise. Example: Alternate date night plans or split a task. Discuss how it feels.



ree

ree


How Apricity Certified Counsellors Help You

At Apricity Mind + Body, we redefine mental health support with a holistic and spiritual approach that goes beyond conventional therapy. Backed by 20+ years of experience, our certified counsellors create a compassionate, nurturing space where true healing begins.


Unlike traditional methods that offer temporary relief, we focus on deep, lasting transformation. By integrating evidence-based practices with holistic and spiritual modalities, we help individuals rebuild self-esteem, reconnect with their purpose, and reclaim their lives.


Experience the Apricity difference—where healing isn’t just about overcoming challenges but about thriving, growing, and embracing lasting change. For couples counseling Rochester NY or marriage counseling Rochester, Apricity is your trusted partner.


Couples Therapy FAQs: Your Questions Answered with Apricity Mind + Body

Couples therapy can feel like a big step, and it’s natural to have questions. Below, we’ve answered five of the most common FAQs about couples therapy, providing clear, expert-backed insights to help you understand its purpose, process, and potential. At Apricity Mind + Body in Rochester, NY, our certified counselors are dedicated to guiding couples toward stronger, healthier relationships. Whether you’re curious about what happens in sessions or wondering if therapy can save your relationship, these answers will light the way.



1. What is the Purpose of Couples Therapy?

The purpose of couples therapy is to strengthen your relationship by improving communication, resolving conflicts, and rebuilding trust and intimacy. It’s a safe, guided process where a trained therapist helps you and your partner understand each other’s needs, break harmful patterns, and grow closer. Therapy isn’t just for couples in crisis—it’s for any stage, from newlyweds wanting to build a strong foundation to long-term partners seeking to reignite their spark. According to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, over 97% of couples report benefits from therapy, with 90% seeing significant improvements through methods like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).


At Apricity Mind + Body in Rochester, NY, our holistic approach blends evidence-based techniques with compassionate, spiritual practices. Whether you’re facing constant arguments, trust issues, or simply want to deepen your connection, our counselors tailor therapy to your unique love story, helping you create a thriving partnership.


Key Benefits:

  • Learn to communicate without fighting.

  • Heal trust after betrayals like infidelity.

  • Rediscover emotional and physical intimacy.

  • Navigate life’s stressors, like parenting or finances, as a team.



2. What Will Happen in Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy is a structured yet flexible journey designed to help you and your partner grow. Here’s what you can expect:

  1. Initial Assessment (1–2 sessions): Your therapist will ask about your relationship history, current challenges, and goals. This helps them understand your dynamics and create a personalized plan.

  2. Regular Sessions (weekly or bi-weekly): In 50–60-minute meetings, you’ll explore issues, learn skills like active listening or trust-building, and practice techniques to resolve conflicts. Most sessions are conjoint (both partners together), though individual sessions may occur with mutual consent.

  3. Skill-Building: You’ll receive exercises, like “I” statements or trust activities, to practice at home, reinforcing what you learn.

  4. Progress Reviews: Every 4–8 weeks, your therapist evaluates progress and adjusts the approach.

  5. Closure: Once goals are met, therapy may end, or you can continue for maintenance.

Most couples see results in 3–6 months, though deeper issues may take longer (Psychology Today). At Apricity Mind + Body in Rochester, NY, our certified counselors create a warm, non-judgmental space, using methods like EFT and the Gottman Method to guide you. Expect a mix of honest conversations, practical tools, and moments of reconnection that transform how you relate.

What It Feels Like:

  • A safe space to share without fear.

  • Moments of vulnerability and breakthroughs.

  • Practical homework that strengthens your bond.



3. Is Couples Therapy with Real Couples?

Yes, couples therapy is designed for real couples—people like you and your partner navigating the ups and downs of love. It’s not a theoretical exercise or a one-size-fits-all program. Therapy involves real-life partners working with a trained therapist to address their unique challenges, whether it’s frequent arguments, trust issues, intimacy struggles, or simply wanting to grow closer. Therapists use evidence-based methods, like EFT (90% success rate) or the Gottman Method (75% success rate), tailored to your specific needs (Choosing Therapy).

At Apricity Mind + Body in Rochester, NY, we work with real couples from all walks of life—newlyweds, long-term partners, and those facing complex issues like infidelity or parenting stress. Our counselors draw on 20+ years of experience, combining techniques like active listening and trust-building exercises with holistic practices to help you and your partner reconnect. Therapy is about your real story, and we’re here to help you write the next chapter.

Who It’s For:

  • Couples of any age, background, or relationship stage.

  • Partners willing to be open and work together.

  • Those seeking practical solutions for real-life problems.



4. Can Couples Therapy Save a Toxic Relationship?

Couples therapy can often help improve a toxic relationship, but success depends on both partners’ willingness to change and the nature of the toxicity. Toxic relationships—marked by patterns like constant criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling—can sometimes be transformed with professional guidance. Therapy helps by addressing root causes, teaching healthier communication, and rebuilding trust. For example, EFT has a 90% success rate in helping couples overcome distress, even in challenging cases (Psychology Today).

However, therapy may not save every relationship, especially if toxicity involves abuse (physical, emotional, or psychological) or if one partner is unwilling to engage. In such cases, therapy can still provide clarity, helping partners decide whether to repair the relationship or part ways respectfully. At Apricity Mind + Body in Rochester, NY, our counselors use a compassionate, holistic approach to guide couples through tough dynamics. We help you identify harmful patterns, learn skills like “I” statements, and decide what’s best for your future—whether that’s healing together or moving forward separately.

When It Works:

  • Both partners are committed to change.

  • Issues stem from communication or trust, not abuse.

  • You’re open to vulnerability and professional support.

When It May Not:

  • Ongoing abuse or safety concerns (seek individual help first).

  • One partner refuses to participate or change.

  • Core values or goals are irreconcilable.



5. When to Quit Couples Therapy?

Deciding when to quit couples therapy depends on your goals, progress, and the state of your relationship. Therapy is a journey, not a quick fix, but there are clear signs it may be time to stop:

  • Goals Achieved: If you’ve met your objectives—like better communication or rebuilt trust—you may end therapy or shift to occasional maintenance sessions. Most couples see results in 3–6 months (Journal of Marital and Family Therapy).

  • No Progress After Effort: If you’ve consistently attended sessions for 6–12 months and see no improvement, despite both partners’ efforts, it may be time to reassess. This could indicate mismatched goals or a need for a different therapist or approach.

  • Unwilling Partner: If one partner refuses to engage or change, therapy may stall, suggesting a need to pause or pursue individual counseling.

  • Clarity to Separate: Sometimes, therapy reveals that separation is the healthiest path. If you reach this decision with mutual respect, therapy has served its purpose.

  • Safety Concerns: If abuse or toxicity persists, stop couples therapy and seek individual support for safety.

At Apricity Mind + Body in Rochester, NY, our counselors help you evaluate progress with regular check-ins, ensuring therapy aligns with your needs. We use methods like the Gottman Method and EFT to maximize results, but we also support you in recognizing when to transition out—whether that’s to a stronger relationship or a new chapter. Discuss your goals with your therapist to decide the right time to stop.

Signs to Quit:

  • You’ve achieved your desired changes.

  • No progress after 6–12 months of effort.

  • One partner disengages or abuse persists.

Signs to Continue:

  • You’re seeing gradual improvements.

  • New issues arise that need exploration.

  • You want to maintain growth with periodic sessions.

Conclusion

Does marriage counseling save marriages? Absolutely. Couples counseling offers tools to transform conflicts into growth opportunities. With proven techniques like active listening and the holistic support of Apricity Mind + Body, you can rebuild trust, deepen your connection, and create a thriving relationship. Don’t wait—whether you’re in Rochester, NY, or beyond, take the first step toward a happier marriage today.


Comments


  • Facebook
  • Instagram

©2025 Apricity Mind + Body Collective, LLC

bottom of page